He who laughs last, laughs longest

“Teeth”, I laugh out loud every time. I was telling my husband how I had taken our 13 year old daughter to the dentist. She has Asperger’s and so everything is very literal to her. So when we recently visited the dentist, she sat in the special chair and he asked her “so what brings you here ?”, “Teeth” is what she replied. It tickles me pink and so I said to her “I think I may write a blog about it you know”. Her reply was ” I think their should be a blog about your driving”. She’s right, so here’s a blog about my driving and bear in mind he who laughs last, laughs longest.

Last week my daughter and I had a couple of road trips. These were not the most exciting of road trips but ones to watch her younger sister run cross country and the following day to watch her play in a netball tournament.

I will confess that I am not an explorer, and I am certainly not a navigator. I lack the skills to read maps and I can barely understand the directions that are provided courtesy of my phone. I have no concept of “250 yards bear right”, “100 yards bear right” what is a yard ?? I have not a scooby doo and for some unknown reason my phone has decided to stop giving the directions out loud. It is nearly impossible to drive and look at a phone pinned to your dash for directions so I roped in my daughter to assist me.

“Ok, off we go, map reading, this will be so educational for you”, I said rather hypocritically. I should have known that we were not off on a good start when pulling out of the driveway I had to say “left or right?”, and was met by a “I dunno, oh left I suppose”. The weather forecast was for a small flutter of snow at about 4 pm and so starting off on our trip at 2:50 pm I felt that we should have no problem in reaching the destination, 21 minutes according to my phone, in time before the snow started to fall.
It would appear that with all the technology we have the weather is still unpredictable and so the small snowflakes started at 3:00 pm. The weather conditions combined with my daughter also informing me that we had missed the last 3 right hand turns that we were supposed to make meant that we were not making progress. The time to our destination was still 21 minutes and the snow fell thicker and thicker. A small fluttering ? yeah right. I have a car that is suitable for these weather conditions and I am a pretty good driver but I am afraid to say that I don’t have the confidence for snow and ice. In fact my daughter remembers a similar situation last year when she claims that I was going to slide on the ice and kill everyone in the car. Utter rubbish of course, a huge exaggeration but this did nothing for my confidence or her hers and I now I avoid driving in these circumstances as much as possible.

The car park for the cross country event according to my phone was right next to where the event was due to take place at 4 pm, however by the time we arrived I was so fed up, stressed and angry that I practically landed my car outside the very posh school and proceeded to walk for 10 mins to my destination through the big fat flakes of snow. The cross country event was brilliant, but the weather was freezing and in all my frustration I had left my hat and gloves in the car. My youngest daughter had a great run and the snowy conditions did not seem to impact on her placing. Meanwhile the snow continued to fall and I wondered if I should have packed a sleeping bag and provisions in my car. My husband would call this P,P,P (Pi@@, Poor, Planning) and it’s not like me to be so unprepared, planning is a huge part of my life these days.

On the return journey my 13 year old daughter did a great job in getting us home. Her directions were much more assertive and confident, it turns out that she had got the hang of the yards even if I didn’t. Luckily as we dipped down over the Mendip Hills the snow started to disappear and we rewarded ourselves with huge pieces of chocolate cake. Cake makes everything alright.

This was only a small expedition though and so the next day I decided to test her skills again. This time our trip was an hour each way crossing from Somerset to Dorset, this really was a road trip.

My daughter started the trip by saying that she would just not tell me anything about the yards but just tell me when to turn etc and off we set. With the snow gone it was a bright clear sunny day and I was feeling much more positive about this trip. For some unknown reason any navigational system appears to take you on the most bizarre of routes, don’t you agree ? and this was no exception. We made twists and turns down little country lanes, drove up the highest elevations as though I had come to the top of the world, and then drove back down again. I think that my daughters favourite part of the outgoing journey was when she told me to turn left and my brain worked so quickly at reading the ‘No Entry’ markings on the floor, by the way the No Entry was as if I was coming from the other direction, that I screamed ” Ahh, I’m going the wrong way down a (bleep word) one way street”. Ok I’ll be honest there were lots of bleep words and I am not proud of them. The fear however of something that was out of the ordinary to me caused me such great anxiety. I suppose the ironic thing is that my daughter feels like that all the time. How does she cope with that high level of anxiety all the time ? No wonder she often retreats to her bed after an outing. Or maybe her favourite part was when we entered Dorset greeted by a sign that said ‘ Dorset, home of the Jurassic coast. “Oh, I shouted out, look home of the Jurassic Park!”. My daughter burst out laughing, whilst I realised what a stupid comment I had made and tried to laugh it off with my best dinosaur impression.

We made it. Again the event, netball this time was good fun to watch and everyone headed off before the snow started again. This time I was confident that I knew the route and all would be well. The other annoying thing about navigational systems is that they never take you back the same way that they led you. Why ?? So after 20 minutes I realised that we were going a different way, “oh well” I said it’s fine I have my wing-man with me and we can crack this. Until I came to some temporary traffic lights. The person in front of me went left, but my phone directions said to go right. I looked right, but the sign said that the road was closed on a particular date, was that date today ? I don’t know, half the time I don’t even seem to remember the year let alone the date. As I edged my car out further I realised that the road was indeed open but by this time the other lights had changed and cars were starting to come at me. Quick, three point turn in the road and off we go. I say quick but it seemed like forever with the stream of cars making there way towards us and my children laughing hysterically at me. We made it home and it seems that my wing-man is pretty awesome and is booked for all future journeys.

I suppose that the moral of this blog is that if you are prepared to laugh at others then you must be prepared to laugh at yourself.

Author: nothingtoseeheremovealongnow

I am 45 and married with 3 daughters, aged 9, 13 and 16. My 13 year old daughter was diagnosed with Asperger's when she was 10 years old and although we have many lows we also have a lot of high's.My blog is about some of the experiences that we have had together.

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